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29 November 2009 @ 08:27 pm
Fanfic: [CM] Deliberations  
Title: Deliberations of a Sleepless Mind
Author: drftngwy
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hotch/Prentiss
Summary: She knows what it's like, falling into an infatuation with a man who can never reciprocate. One-shot
Spoilers: post-Omnivore, but pre-100.

She was only half lying when she told Dante she was a fan.

While Emily Prentiss buried the part of her that listened to death metal and sported black lipstick, the shadows of her past still wandered around her mind, taking control of her thoughts every so often. Of course, she wouldn't be caught listening to his music—although her Manson albums lay unharmed among her collection of Manilow and Sting.

But she can understand the love those girls had for the man—this pale, indifferent specter of a human screaming their deepest desires.

She knows what it's like, falling into an infatuation with a man who can never reciprocate.

At least, she's sure she's felt the bite of reality when fantasy has decided to tiptoe over the realms of her mind. That's not to say that she condones the obsessive cybershrines—as Garcia had put it—made to the musician, and certainly not murder for the improbable love of him. It's what she can't understand—falling into the complete grasp of obsession over a stranger. Wishing to be noticed by their knight (vampire) in shining armor (cape?), and willing to end the lives of strangers to get it.

But isn't that exactly what she's fallen victim to?

No, Emily Prentiss isn't the girl she was anymore. She's not the neglected teen screaming for reprieve through the music she listened to, through the make-up she put on. But she wouldn't think twice about switching places with Hotch, becoming Foyet's target instead. She wouldn't take a second to deliberate becoming the one staring him down as he drives a knife into her, given the chance.

But wouldn't anyone in her situation do the same?

She's alone and he has a child, an ex-wife who certainly hasn't let go of the high school love she found herself in not too long ago.

She really doesn't have anything to lose. He has everything.

While she wouldn't kill an innocent stranger for her unit chief, she wouldn't think twice about pulling the trigger when faced with the man dragging him down to his knees in despair.

So does it mean that she's like these girls, substituting posters and fan mail for death wishes?

It's a question she doesn't want to answer.


My first CM fic. Pushpushpush the nice little comment button, please?

mood: calmcalm
doctaj10doctaj10 on November 30th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
very nice take on Emily's thoughts! Very very good for your first CM fic :)

There can never be too much H/P angst.
jessica: em .:. deep breathsdrftngwy on December 2nd, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
thank you :)

and I so agree. H/P angst is always nice.
flameturnedblue: Avoiding the obviousflameturnedblue on December 1st, 2009 11:48 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this - I'd love to see you explore H/P some more! It would be interesting to see Hotch's POV - is in line with Emily's? Is she more into him than he is her, or vice versa. It completely intrigues me, and I thought you captured Emily's POV very well :)
jessica: cm .:. no such reliefdrftngwy on December 2nd, 2009 03:04 am (UTC)
thank you.

I think you've just given me the motivation to do that, actually.

your words are extremely kind and have done wonders for my mood. :)
_nextboldmove__nextboldmove_ on December 2nd, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
I really liked that. The depth of Prentiss seeing herself in the case, seeing the connections in her own life. I think you hint that she comes to the conclusion that she’s no better than the eventual unsubs of the case. Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Clocitymusings on December 2nd, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
Great first fic!!! Interesting look at Emily. :)
intodarkness85intodarkness85 on December 3rd, 2009 02:21 pm (UTC)
nice first fic!!! maybe you can do another part to it where prentiss tries to get close to Hotch...maybe?
jessica: em .:. deep breathsdrftngwy on December 5th, 2009 07:36 pm (UTC)
thank you.

I've been trying without avail to do that, but maybe an upcoming episode will help me... :)